We received this confrontational and angry communication today – reproduced in it’s entirety for your perusal,
As the Editor of a sister paper, Chickens Monthly, I am worried about what has taken place and been published.
In the first place, from what I can see, your flock watcher is under age and improperly dressed. He has one sock not fastened in the required manner, is not wearing the regulation wellingtons, or any form of protective clothing. At night, I assume he has a back-up flock watcher who is more experienced and carries essential night watching gear.
In the second place I am hearing strong rumours that your Chicken Eggpress engine driver is undergoing retraining to fly Chinooks for delivery missions, thereby leaving the train service to fall into disuse. And this is all before the Eggpress operation has received full planning approval from residents and the local Council!
I am receiving a number of complaints about all of this, including some from people about the noise of the Chinooks and the dangers of the egg dropping deliveries where it will be necessary for local residents to purchase special protective headgear.
Finally, there are strong rumours of a linked enterprise, known as being planned by the family ‘on the other side’, to set up a similar operation to your own, on their vast landholding to the West.
I, and many others find all of these developments quite worrying and I therefore seek your assurances that these disturbing matters will be fully explained in the next issue of Poultry Weekly.
Well you’d think that people would have more useful things to do with their time!
I would like to take this opportunity to reassure local residents that the Chinook Egg Delivery plans has been shelved due to risk of high-speed-rotating-parts and accidentally acquiring a year’s supply of Chicken Nuggets.
I am proud to announce that the replacement, the Chooknik Satellite System, is all set for launch and will make it’s maiden flight in the coming days.
As previously communicated, you must have your Anderson Shelters prepared in good time in the unlikely event of a serious eggccident.