Again our arch rival is up to his old tricks!
Dear Editor, Poultry Weekly,
I am pleased to see that you are keeping your avid readers well informed concerning progress with the chicken venture but am now a little worried about the impact on the local environment. Rumour has it that an impeccable lawn is being gradually destroyed and that many foxes are making for the Eggloo for a tasty snack. All of this is not good news!
Having said that, it would appear that Egg quality in the area may be on the up and that Tesco’s will have their work cut out to retain their present cliental.
I am given to understand that the idea of using Chinooks for egg delivery has been temporarily shelved, as has the Eggpress Train Service, but hear that Pantechnicons are now to be brought in. This is bad news in that it is bad enough trying to park a small car outside the egg factory let alone a large vehicle! I feel sure your neighbours will object to their drives being blocked whilst so many crates of eggs are loaded onto
the delivery vehicle.
I take it that the flock watcher is now properly attired and up to speed in all that he has been trained to do. As for the redundant Eggpress Train Driver I trust he has been properly compensated for his job loss.
From what I have read so far, it would appear that some of the flock are avoiding their responsibilities with regard to egg laying and am anxious to learn what measures are planned to redress the situation to ensure that they fully earn their keep.
Please keep me posted.
I would like to reply by advising that we spoke carefully to the local Council (eg, we threaten to send Geraldine over) and got the roads resurfaced ready for the Pantechnicons to begin their pick up schedule.
The nearby Neighbourhood have been compulsory purchased for the pricely sum of 0.000001 pence each (not redeemable at any time) and will be flattened very shortly. Actually they were flattened by the failed flight and poor media cover-up of Chooknik III. Due to a slight miscalculation on the fuelling required, Geraldine has since received further training and will no longer mistake 5 litres of Cooking Oil for 50kg of Weapons Grade Plutonium. She did say she wondered why the Rocket Fuel didn’t taste so good (on a plus we’ve saved a fortune on the lighting bill).
To reduce loading times the Chooks will deposit the eggs directly into the Pantechnicons by aiming their bums in the air at an angle of 65° and ejecting the eggs at exactly 88 miles-per-hour. This has been proven to provide safe delivery of eggs. Although the costs of Party-7 and home-made Bramble Wine are proving prohibitive.
Both the Flock Watcher and Train Driver have undergone new training and will shortly embarking on new roles for the Garden Hens Company which will of course be announced at the appropriate time.
Both Geraldine and Betty are earning their keep. Mavis, Audrey and Wilma are receiving close supervision and daily reviews to help them with their performance ‘difficulties’. Audrey, Mavis and Wilma are committed to providing Eggs in line with the other members of the Team. Over the past few days they have been practising hopping in and out of the Eglu, getting comfortable in the Nesting Box and scoffing loads of food in time. They tell me it is just a matter of time before they get the hang of popping out Eggs.